Outcast...

Haha, that reminds me of the song "Hey ya" by Outkast.. Hehe. Haih, i cant take it anymore, have to let out some where, somehow.. I'm feeling sad... YES! Sad... very sad... I have wonderful friends.. excellent parents... a fairly good but odd brother... ceh.. nah.. Noel's great.... Yet i still feel useless and hopeless.. Totally appreciate Andy for being so nice to me... Always enjoy chatting with him.. I do feel sort of guilty for acting cold towards him, but i didnt do it intentionally... Same goes to Thashen... I duno la... Wanna talk to him also cannot... Really cant be bothered to reload my phone... He's hp's giving him problem... god knows why.. maybe he's jinxed.. (touch wood). Haih... This really sucks.. I suck big time... For all of the guys i like... I was never able to talk to ANY of them.... none... Isnt that sad.. I know i'm anti-social... Biasa la, it runs in the family, i think... I really dont know. What does it take for people to like me?? I mean... I totally appreciate my friends for excepting me for what i am.. but... *sigh* Maybe i just want attention... i want people to know more about the gd side about me... the bad side can come later... But, all i protray is the negative side, for example, the quick-tempered-ness, the seriousness, the fussiness, the ANTI-SOCIALness.....

Why cant i be happy with what i've already have? Yes i'm happy and glad, but i'm craving for more on the inside... It doesnt matter whether its the money, smarts, looks, figure...etc... i want it all! Who doesnt? No one's perfect. Thashen kept reminding me that each time i complain to him about something... most of the time are things which's somehow connected to me saying that i'm anti-social.. Its somewhat irritating when he tells me about he's fun and odd days... I tell you, it rubs me raw... Like salt against a deep fresh wound... I know i'm sensitive and i'm seriously working on it, its not nice being so intense, might just suffer from a nervous breakdown one day.

I cant help but to feel guilty... I'm so sorry Thashen... so sorry...

Its almost 2am, will have to go to bed soon. Still feeling wide awake though, that 6 hours of sleep really did me good. Haha. Hmm, there's PT class, gotta wake up early to finish up one or two PT reports... No doubt they're tough but i still have to get it done somehow. So many things to do, and so little time.. Yet i'm not getting anything done!!! What the hell's wrong?!?!?! I'm gonna go nuts if i carry on like this... *sighs* I might as well plan out a short schedule for tomorrow, i mean later in the morning.
1) wake up, do pt work.
2) practice piano
3) copy a chinese model essay
4) do Jian Bao
that's about it i think... will decide other stuff later... Now i need my beauty sleep.. Tata.